SHOW FAITH BY PREPARATION

SHOW FAITH BY PREPARATION

Everyone has their own reasons for certain actions. My reason in particular is a simple epiphany. I have heard of people talking about having them and have seen people act them out on television, but I really, really never thought that one would just dawn on me. I wanted to say that I was drunk because, actually, I was. It was so clear to me though. I haven’t spoken about it to anyone though, but when people ask me why am I not doing a certain thing, I simply tell them, “Something dawned on me.”

I’ve found myself being agitated with God and losing faith is almost every situation. I’ve been praying and praying for him to deliver me from all of the stress and depression, but I haven’t seen anything happen. Just as something good comes to me, something bad that overweighs what’s good follows it, and I allow it to take me out of giving him praise and appreciating what He had done. I know better though. I’ve been worrying so much about the mess I’m going through that I don’t even notice the things that he’s prepared for me. I went from being happily married with a loving family to separated from my family and going through a divorce, from making 4k a month to not 4k a month, from having a house to and apartment, from having an apartment to living with my parents, from having 2 cars to 1 car, and from 1 car to no car. When I did get another car, I hated it. I have to put oil in it every week and power steering fluid in it every other week; careless of the fact that it got me to work and back. It got me from Byram to North Jackson to get my daughter. But now the transmission is about to go completely out and I can’t put it on the interstate I have to take back roads and city street to get all the way out there. I didn’t appreciate it. I didn’t appreciate a damn thing.

I wanted to blame every think on the alcohol, but I had a sudden realization of me. I have never thought about why God’s not help me in my time of need. I never thought about why I’m going through all the mess I’m going through until the other night. I was talking to a friend, and we were both under the influence of alcohol. He expressed some things to me and I gave my advice and opinions and vice versa. However, the same advice that I gave to him I needed to give to myself. After we finished talking, I headed home. The battery was dead on my phone and nothing good was on the radio so I rode home in silence. As I was driving, my mind wondered, and it dawned on me that I pray way too much not to be receiving continuous showers of blessings daily. Then it dawned on me that I haven’t been to church in maybe 4 and half months. What I’m getting at is; God already has my deliverance and break through ready. He’s waiting on me to come correct. I’m sincere when I pray, and he knows. That is why it’s already prepared. The only thing is that I come to him asking for this and asking for that, but I’m doing foolish things and not giving him the praise and reverence that I should. Why? That’s exactly what I asked in every one of my prayers.

I prayed for money. I have a decent paying job, but I spend money on foolishness.

I prayed for a reliable car. I have that. It may not get me there as fast as I want it to but it gets me to where I need to be, but I say, “This car is so busted. I hate it! I need a new car! Whaaa whaaa whaaaa!”

I prayed about a place to live. I have a loving family that wouldn’t EVER let me fall, but I shun away from them. I don’t even talk to my mom and dad because I’m so worried that all that they’re going to want to talk about is me. I’m a neat freak but my room is messy everyday but Sunday. I spend time cleaning it when I should be in church.

I pray and I pray and I pray. I don’t prepare for my blessings or appreciate what I do have now. That shows a lack of faith on my part. If you want it to rain so that you crops can grow, you have to go and plant the seeds. My epiphany revealed to me that everything that I’ve been asking for is already made and ready for me. I haven’t put forward the effort of trying to get them. I’ve been praying with sincerity, but without faith. I get it. I really do, and I’m showing my faith to get everything that was revealed to me in that sudden realization. i know that everything that was taken from me, I will receive again seven fold. Once I realized that, I prayed and asked for forgiveness because I wasn’t pleasing God.

I’m not blogging this for pity or to look a certain way. I’m blogging this because this might help someone else. I’m not the only one who’s going through rough times. God has never forsaken me, nor forgotten me. Why would he do things to please me if I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do to please him?

I’m going to get what is for me and I’m preparing to receive. Read instructions.

Hebrews 11:6

James 2:20

Romans 1:12