PAPERS

PAPERS

I’m so in love with you sometimes.

I think that we might just be able to get back on one accord,

And I’m willing to talk it out, work it out,

Because sometimes, you look so damn sexy to me,

And I want to rush you and force to the ground that we stand, and tear off all of your clothes, then make hot, passionate, wild, animal love to you.

Sometimes you’re beautiful.

But you disgust me, sometimes.

You have a smart mouth and a funky ass attitude and sometimes I wish you’d SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You say the wrong shit when I’m trying to talk it out, work it out with you and YOU make us argue,

Then sometimes I hate you to death and I care less of every single thing about you.

I know you’re no good for me and I’m not setting myself up for your bullshit again.

Sometimes I’m just horny and I ease in to the bed room while you’re asleep and I ease in and ease right out of you as quickly as I can,

Getting my nut and hoping you didn’t get shit.

I hope you didn’t even feel it.

But sometimes I lay in you deeply and slowly,

I try to get my whole pelvic area in there just because I do want you to feel everything,

So I go so deep that I fuck with your mind,

And I do it because, sometimes, you’re so good to me,

And I want to be spontaneous and take you on random rendezvous’,

I want to know all of you and get lost in your mind,

Aimlessly wander into your heart,

And become exhausted from the adventure of exploring you and rest in your soul,

Sometimes, your mind, heart, and soul is so damn cold, though.

So I just throw up my hands.

Because I’m the only one doing all of this romantic shit,

And I get so pissed so I just sit in the house whenever I get home.

We go nowhere and do nothing, and I’m content.

Sometimes I stare at you when you’re asleep.

You look so cute;

But when you’re awake, your nagging gets on my last damn nerves,

So I’m staring and contemplating how I can seal or stitch your mouth shut without you awakening before I’m finished.

Why do our arguments get so heated and violent sometimes?

Arguments are supposed to be healthy, but ours could wind up being deadly,

Sometimes, I don’t know why you think you can square up with me.

Get your damn finger out my face girl!

Keep point in my face and swelling up at me and you’ll find out “or what”,

Get from in from of the door.

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m getting the hell away from your crazy ass before something happens,

KEEP TESTING ME AND FIND OUT!

DAMNIT I’M GONE!

Get yo’ got damn hands off me woman.

OOOOOOO! Sometimes I want to Chris Brown yo’ ass.

But that’s not in me, but I’ll shake the shit out of you girl,

Sometimes I hate you so much.

Then sometimes I love you just as much as I hate you,

But I don’t like that sometimey mess,

And I don’t mean to hurt you.

I never like seeing you cry.

It kills me,

But it’s impossible for me to give you all of me if I only love you sometimes,

I need to feel loved daily, and I need to feel the need to give love just as much,

So I’m moving on. I’m leaving.

It’s my only option.

Neither one of us are happy.

Sign these.



Lorenzo Wesley, Jr.

Copyright ©2009 Lorenzo Wesley, Jr.

ANGELS

ANGELS

I can honestly say that I’ve seen, pretty much, immediate results from actions that have been taken that were stated in my last blog. It seems like the right people were placed in my life at the right time. God has placed 2 valuable people in my life, just as I was thinking that everyone cared less. I’m grateful and I value your friendship to the fullest. It feels so good to know that I have people who have my back and who are there to listen to me when I’m feeling down and out. I don’t spit out names in my blog unless it’s someone in my immediate family, but these two people know who they are. I’ve had an amazing day today. I can’t recall the last time I had one either, but I’m overwhelmed about it today. It’s wild though. I could sit here and list the things that are messed up in their entirety, but it wouldn’t matter because I feel good. I visited a friend’s church today and it was such a loving, spiritually filled atmosphere. The church is in Vicksburg, Ms. and named Bypass Church of Christ. This is the way a church is supposed to be. It seemed like every member in the church had the same mother and father. The fellowship within the sanctuary was so moving and the Holy Spirit resided in every corner of that place. Man, I love it! That church is filled with angels.

One of my friends was talking about the revival service that held last night. I literally could feel her energy just by reading her message that was typed about it. So I wanted to experience some of that goodness myself. Lord knows that I needed it. The only problem was that the church is in Vicksburg. My car will not make it that far. I told you that this church is filled with angels, and I mean that. My friend who is a member of the church offered to come and pick and up so that I could ride along with her. I was really going to have another “sit-in Sunday “. With the offer extended, I wasn’t going to miss out on my blessing. On another note, I can clearly see why she drives from Jackson to Vicksburg each Sunday for church service. That church is awesome. I probably wouldn’t be feeling as good as I’m feeling now if I had turned down that offer.

If that’s not enough, I received great news from my other friend involving some business issues. More importantly, when I told him about the changes in my life that I was making, he totally respected and accepted it. I know that many people are going to turn away from me, but that is just God working and weeding out all the things that block my sight and hinders me from what is mine. It’s great to know that someone that I would consider to be a brother to me would still support me in all of my endeavors.

On top of all of that, today I was searching for some sponsorship information online, and my 2 year old daughter climbed in to my lap and separated me from the computer just for about 8 seconds. She sat in my lap and said, “I missed you, daddy” and gave me a kiss and a huge hug. It literally made me cry. Just to know that my life means so much to one person is a thought that leaves me speechless and in complete awe. My baby girl is my motivation, and all this time I was talking about living for her to have the greatest and brightest future, but I wasn’t doing it to the max. I was killing myself slowly by getting drunk every weekend, being down and out consistently, and shunning away from my own family. I need to be here for her and I will. I’ll be her for her better than any other man could be. I’m so thankful right now. I just feel like shouting.

I’ll leave you with this:

You won’t ever catch overindulged in alcohol again. I don’t have to be here and my flesh is temporary, so why should I abuse it?

You won’t ever catch me beating up myself about the trials that I’m going through. Someone somewhere has it way worse than I.

You won’t ever catch me isolating myself from my family again. When everyone else is gone, that’s all that I physically have.

SHOW FAITH BY PREPARATION

SHOW FAITH BY PREPARATION

Everyone has their own reasons for certain actions. My reason in particular is a simple epiphany. I have heard of people talking about having them and have seen people act them out on television, but I really, really never thought that one would just dawn on me. I wanted to say that I was drunk because, actually, I was. It was so clear to me though. I haven’t spoken about it to anyone though, but when people ask me why am I not doing a certain thing, I simply tell them, “Something dawned on me.”

I’ve found myself being agitated with God and losing faith is almost every situation. I’ve been praying and praying for him to deliver me from all of the stress and depression, but I haven’t seen anything happen. Just as something good comes to me, something bad that overweighs what’s good follows it, and I allow it to take me out of giving him praise and appreciating what He had done. I know better though. I’ve been worrying so much about the mess I’m going through that I don’t even notice the things that he’s prepared for me. I went from being happily married with a loving family to separated from my family and going through a divorce, from making 4k a month to not 4k a month, from having a house to and apartment, from having an apartment to living with my parents, from having 2 cars to 1 car, and from 1 car to no car. When I did get another car, I hated it. I have to put oil in it every week and power steering fluid in it every other week; careless of the fact that it got me to work and back. It got me from Byram to North Jackson to get my daughter. But now the transmission is about to go completely out and I can’t put it on the interstate I have to take back roads and city street to get all the way out there. I didn’t appreciate it. I didn’t appreciate a damn thing.

I wanted to blame every think on the alcohol, but I had a sudden realization of me. I have never thought about why God’s not help me in my time of need. I never thought about why I’m going through all the mess I’m going through until the other night. I was talking to a friend, and we were both under the influence of alcohol. He expressed some things to me and I gave my advice and opinions and vice versa. However, the same advice that I gave to him I needed to give to myself. After we finished talking, I headed home. The battery was dead on my phone and nothing good was on the radio so I rode home in silence. As I was driving, my mind wondered, and it dawned on me that I pray way too much not to be receiving continuous showers of blessings daily. Then it dawned on me that I haven’t been to church in maybe 4 and half months. What I’m getting at is; God already has my deliverance and break through ready. He’s waiting on me to come correct. I’m sincere when I pray, and he knows. That is why it’s already prepared. The only thing is that I come to him asking for this and asking for that, but I’m doing foolish things and not giving him the praise and reverence that I should. Why? That’s exactly what I asked in every one of my prayers.

I prayed for money. I have a decent paying job, but I spend money on foolishness.

I prayed for a reliable car. I have that. It may not get me there as fast as I want it to but it gets me to where I need to be, but I say, “This car is so busted. I hate it! I need a new car! Whaaa whaaa whaaaa!”

I prayed about a place to live. I have a loving family that wouldn’t EVER let me fall, but I shun away from them. I don’t even talk to my mom and dad because I’m so worried that all that they’re going to want to talk about is me. I’m a neat freak but my room is messy everyday but Sunday. I spend time cleaning it when I should be in church.

I pray and I pray and I pray. I don’t prepare for my blessings or appreciate what I do have now. That shows a lack of faith on my part. If you want it to rain so that you crops can grow, you have to go and plant the seeds. My epiphany revealed to me that everything that I’ve been asking for is already made and ready for me. I haven’t put forward the effort of trying to get them. I’ve been praying with sincerity, but without faith. I get it. I really do, and I’m showing my faith to get everything that was revealed to me in that sudden realization. i know that everything that was taken from me, I will receive again seven fold. Once I realized that, I prayed and asked for forgiveness because I wasn’t pleasing God.

I’m not blogging this for pity or to look a certain way. I’m blogging this because this might help someone else. I’m not the only one who’s going through rough times. God has never forsaken me, nor forgotten me. Why would he do things to please me if I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do to please him?

I’m going to get what is for me and I’m preparing to receive. Read instructions.

Hebrews 11:6

James 2:20

Romans 1:12

Random Update

RANDOM UPDATE

I realized that I haven’t blogged in while. I do apologize for depriving you all of the vital information that you could apply to your everyday lives. I’ve been working hard trying to get things situated for the online radio show that I will be launching in the next couple of weeks. Also, I’m working on an album of my poetry and that has been time consuming because I want it to be perfect. I didn’t half –ass at it when I wrote it, so I’m not going to half-ass with it as I record. I have several tracks completed and u can hear some of them on http://www.theexecutiveplace.com/. If that’s not enough, I’m still writing “Life in Poetry” and working that nine to five in corporate America. I don’t mind being busy with this. It’s what I love to do. I will exceed. I will excel. I am exceptional. So my message to you is: In spite of everything else that you have to do, and in spite of the time consumption, do what you want to do. It’s your life; you only have one, and it’s short. Don’t settle for less and don’t be content with just getting by. Use your god given gifts and push them to the limit.

Now that I’ve given you an update on yours truly, I’m just going to throw some random thoughts out there to you. It’s only simple things that has been on my mind and that I want to share with you. I have no title for it. It’s just random.

1. Ugly people should be the nicest people in the world. How you gonna be ugly inside and out?

2. Don’t pick a fight with an ugly person. They don’t have shit to lose.

3. If you have SCS (Side Chick Syndrome), and a guy notices it, that’s how he’s gonna treat you. I don’t blame him either. It’s not his job to get you to change your ways.

4. Shout out to TEP.

5. I LOVE MY LIFE; EVEN ALL THE TRIALS AND TRIBULTIONS I GO THROUGH.

6. I’m not an asshole. You just can’t handle the truth.

7. Sometimes I miss you, but I’ve come to realize that you are no good for me and I just want something new and want to move on with my life.

8. I get lonely. God forgive me. I still haven’t gotten used to sleeping alone. That might be why I hold my daughter so closely and tightly when we’re asleep.

9. I don’t like this mushy shit.

10. Love is a shrew.

11. I’ll never hit a woman…….. But I’ll shake the shit out of you!

12. I’m so full of myself. I love me to death. If I don’t, who will?

13. I can’t think of anything else.

14. Yeah I can. Nah, I can’t say that.

15. I just got a very good update, through a phone call, by Exec.

16. MEET ME AT THE TOP!!! TEP!!!

17. I hate when people ask me the same shit I just old them. Ex.: me: I’m about to go home. Other person: Oh, you about to go home? Me: Nah, I just changed my mind. Shit!

18. I think I’m prejudice. I will rarely talk to ugly people. I mean if one speaks, of course, I’ll speak back, but I’m not initiating any conversation.

19. I AM THE TRUTH. WITHOUT ME THE WORLD IS A LIE!

20. Aight……. That’s it.